アダムとイブのお話はキリスト教世界ではおとぎ話のようなもの。ここでは宇宙を創造した偉大なる神様も、白いひげを生やした好々爺のようにジョークの種にされます。そしてアダムとイブは男と女の原点として、これまた恰好のネタにされます。
ここに取り上げる二題の話は平易な英語ですので、そのまま英語で味わってください。
Adam Talks to God
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?"
God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create."
So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?"
"I did that, Adam, so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shinny, beautiful hair, and not me?"
"I did that Adam so that you could love her."
"Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?"
"Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."
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Adam Gets Two Organs
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news", God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you.
One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.”
“The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your new intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time."
［註］（tidings=news.英語では同じ単語をくり返し使うのをきらいます）
Brain/Penisとも血液が十分に巡らないと満足に機能しない器官なのですよね。それなのに、一方が機能するときには他方が働かないとは、これ欠陥創造物ではないですか、神様。それとも、全知全能の神様にはもっと深い読みがあり、アダムの子孫たちが知恵をしぼってこの問題をどう解決するかじっくり見届けたかったのでしょうか。
後者の問題は需要の大きさに気づいた製薬会社のたゆまぬ努力の結果、かなりの効果のある薬が開発され世界中で売られているようです。皮肉なのはこのような薬を必要とする人たちは、新たな子孫の創造にはもはや関心はないことです。前者の頭蓋骨の中身の方の問題は後回しにされているようで、当面はどちらかを優先させるしかなく、その結果は自己責任ということでお願いします、というのが神様の真意のようですね。
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